At Lirum Larum Leg, we put our hearts into helping parents create inspiring settings where play becomes a source of coziness, joy, connection, and deep immersion—all in a way that's easy to manage.
That's why we're delighted to team up with experts Fie Hørby and Mie Kaae from Blackbird Institute, to bring you tips and inspiration for life with children. Here, you'll discover practical advice on how to take children's birthday parties in stride and remember that it's truly about celebration, happiness, and enjoying time together.
Birthdays and a Sense of Belonging
A child’s birthday is one of the year’s big, joyful highlights—for the child, that is. For parents, it can often feel a bit different—especially when hosting a party for the child's daycare or class. Take a moment to breathe deeply and relax your shoulders. Allow excitement and joy to take center stage, rather than letting worries build up. Otherwise, your mind might get flooded with anxious thoughts about “what if.”
When we set overly ambitious goals for our children—in our heartfelt attempt to make the day perfect—we risk losing touch with reality. In real life, kids might fall out with each other, get bored, feel sad, tired, full, or even take the occasional tumble… and that’s perfectly okay, as long as we, as adults, can handle it calmly too.
Happy Adults, Happy Children
Whether or not you feel equipped to handle everything isn’t what matters most; perhaps the best thing we can do is to face it together, rather than trying to do it all alone. Even if it feels awkward, go ahead and ask other parents from your class or institution if they’d like to help out. When you join forces, it’s much easier to relax and enjoy yourselves—even as adults.
And there’s a wonderful bonus: when adults lead the way in building a sense of community and helping one another, the children naturally follow suit.
No matter if you’re hosting alone or with others, first take a moment to ask yourself: What’s really most important to me for my child’s birthday? What do I believe matters most to my child? How would I like to feel? If your child is 3 or older, you can chat with them about what they would like for their special day. What matters most to them—and what matters less?
What memories do you hope your child will hold onto and cherish from their birthday?
One Birthday, One Main Activity
Sometimes the birthday program gets a bit too packed, so remember to build in breathing space.
Plan for just one, or at most two, activities that bring everyone together. Simple ideas are often the biggest hits. Try a game of rounders, gathering in a circle to sing a birthday song, playing singing games, drawing a group picture, picking berries from the garden to use in the cake, hiding gifts around the house for a big treasure hunt, or inviting everyone to share a short story or say something kind about each other.
On the big day, when your home is filled with little guests, it helps to clearly outline what’s going to happen: we’ll play games, sing birthday songs, go on a treasure hunt, and enjoy some food. Let them know where they're welcome to go, and where is off-limits. Clear boundaries help everyone feel safe—and that’s even more important when you have a group of kids together.
Be ready to adjust your plans. If the kids are buzzing with energy, let them dance, jump, sing, or just flop about. Give them the freedom and space to connect with themselves and each other, or start off with the treasure hunt if that feels right. When children are offered choice and are welcomed just as they are, it’s much easier for them to settle in and enjoy.
A sense of community blossoms when we truly see and engage with one another—eye to eye, body to body, voice and words, and our genuine attention. But community also means leaving space for those who prefer not to join certain activities, like the treasure hunt. Our children deserve to have their feelings accepted exactly as they are—and to know that no emotion is ever wrong.
The more we make room for every little body and all those big feelings, the easier it is to create a delightful birthday—together.
By Mie Kaae, 20 April 2018
Ready to explore more about yourself and your child? Sign up for Blackbird Institute’s newsletter. Every week, Fie Hørby & Mie Kaae offer advice for parents and professionals on how to build stronger family connections and deeper self-awareness, for even closer bonds with our children.
Blackbird Institute is a family therapy institute specializing in training for relationship competence, family counseling, and family therapy. The institute was founded by Fie Hørby and Mie Kaae.
Fie Hørby is a psychotherapist and family therapist, as well as mom to Rumle (16), Liv (11), and Isak (0). She is the author of the bestseller “Drop Opdragelsen!” and “Om teenagere – for forældre.”
Mie Kaae holds a master's degree in psychology and communication, is the author of "Hvad vil du virkelig?" and is trained in dance and body therapy. Mie is also mom to three: Marvin (12), Linus (10), and Havanna (2).
Find out more about Blackbird Institute here
