At Lirum Larum Leg, we genuinely strive to assist the adults of children, making it easy and clear and simple for them to create inspiring environments where play becomes a source of hygge, fun, presence, and immersion.
Therefore, we are delighted to collaborate with experts, Fie Hørby and Mie Kaae from the Blackbird Institute, who will provide you with weekly tips and inspiration for life with children. Below, you'll find a specific exercise on how you can easily create breathing spaces in a busy daily life.
Find more calm and presence in daily life
When we come home to our families, directly from work and daycare, the pace is often high, and conflicts are close at hand. That's why it's a good idea to introduce breathing spaces into daily life, actively shifting the mood and tone to a calmer pace.
It might be beneficial to set up a spot that serves as your physical breathing space. A place in the house that's calm and pleasant, with soft cushions and blankets, where both children and adults quickly learn to go when a break is needed. By creating breathing spaces like this, it becomes easier to be present and attentive as parents and provide our children with the contact they need.
TIP #3: Create small breaks in everyday life
You can do this exercise alone, even before you get home. But it's also a good idea to do it with the children, as they also need to settle into themselves after a long day.
- Lie down on the floor (or in your physical breathing space) with blankets and cushions. Make an effort to be really comfortable, creating a setting for enjoyment and calm. Once you're settled, start taking deep and calm breaths together.
- As the adult, you lead the way. So take your child's hand — and if you have more than one, take the children's hands — and place them on your stomach, so they can connect with your breathing and your nervous system. Children are indeed linked to our nervous system, and when we're calm and breathe deeply, our children can more easily follow suit.
- We only need to lie together this way for about 5 minutes before we experience an entirely different state and connection with ourselves. When we slow down like this, the pace and mood within the family automatically become more relaxed, and the level of conflicts and frustrations decrease.
If you do this a few times a week as a regular ritual, you'll likely notice that your children begin asking for the breathing space themselves or head there to lie down when they need to relax and take a break.
With exercises like this, you teach your children how to soothe themselves and create a deeper connection with themselves and others. It's a vital skill in our increasingly busy daily life!
Practice makes perfect
If you wish to expand the exercise after having done it a few times, start the same way by lying next to each other and breathing deeply into your stomachs. Once the breathing is calm, snuggle up closer and lie together for a couple of minutes.
If your child finds it difficult to relax, ensure that you remain calm. Take your time and speak with a slow, soft voice and ask: Where can you feel calm in your body? Is there a place inside where it's calm and quiet? (calm is always present if we take the time to feel it). Optionally ask: Is there somewhere where there is a tiny bit of calm right now?
If you're up for it, you can also communicate with your child's body. Ask: What would the calm place say if it had a voice? What color is the calm place? What does it look like, and how does it feel there in the calm? Children often don’t think it strange to talk to their bodies. They just respond. And they can be much more precise about their feelings and needs when we ask directly about the body.
You can adapt the exercise depending on your child's needs. If your child finds it difficult to find calm, ask about the restlessness: Where does it reside? Ask your child to place their hand there if possible. What does the restlessness look like? What would it say if it had a voice? What does the restlessness need to relax?
As a conclusion to the exercise, it's a good idea to spend a minute letting the calm energy fill you completely. Spread it to all cells and parts of the body. Then stand up again slowly, without too many words, and move on with the day or evening.
- By Mie Kaae, February 21, 2018
Blackbird Institute is a family therapy institute offering education in relationship competence, family counseling, and family therapy. The institute was founded by Fie Hørby and Mie Kaae.
Fie Hørby is a psychotherapist and family therapist and mother to Rumle, aged 16 years, Liv, aged 11 years, and Isak, aged 0 years. She has written Bestsellers “Drop Opdragelsen!” and “Om teenagere – for forældre”.
Mie Kaae is a Master of Arts in Psychology and Communication, author of the book "Hvad vil du virkelig?" and trained in dance and body therapy. Mie is also a mother of three - Marvin, aged 12 years, Linus, aged 10 years, and Havanna, aged 2 years.
Read more about Blackbird Institute here
