At Lirum Larum Leg, we genuinely strive to support the adults in children's lives, making it simple and manageable for you to create inspiring environments where play can flourish—becoming a source of coziness, fun, presence, and deep engagement.
That’s why, together with the experts Fie Hørby and Mie Kaae from Blackbird Institute, it’s our pleasure to bring you weekly tips and inspiration for life with children. Below, you’ll find Mie’s practical advice on how you can easily create moments of peace at the dinner table—for the benefit of the whole family.
The Good Meal
Sit up straight. Sit still now. Be quiet while we're eating. Take it easy—you’ll get your share. Stop arguing at the table. Don’t talk with food in your mouth. At least taste it before you say you don't like it. Why can't you sit still for just a moment? Eat just one more potato. If you don’t finish your meal, there’s no dessert. What do we say when leaving the table?
Does this sound familiar? It’s how things can get when the dinner table is dominated by a negative mood. But don’t worry—we’ve all been there. From my experience, I know parents are resourceful: instead of repeating what’s not working, try changing your approach.
Tell your child what you’d like to see, rather than what you don’t want. For instance, say: “I’d like you to use your knife and fork.” It’s important to remember: how you say it matters just as much as what you say. Speak as you would to a good friend.
You might say: “I’d like you to take just a little at a time on your plate. If you’re still hungry, you can always have more.” Express clearly what you hope for, then let your child practice over the next 10 meals without being told off. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day.
After trying this, here’s the very best advice we’ve shared with hundreds of parents:
Tip #5: Let everyone eat in peace
For the next 14 days, try letting everyone at the table eat in peace—without corrections or criticism. This goes for adults and children alike. You’ll notice more calm, a greater sense of well-being, joy, better moods, and closer family connections. It’s everything we wish for (and long for)—as adults, and as children too.
The root cause of many mealtime disputes often lies in the phrases above.
During a family counseling session where a family discussed their meals, their 4-year-old daughter remarked: "It would be easier to eat if we all closed our eyes." Which, in other words, means: “I’m here to eat—not to be corrected, criticized, or pushed to eat more than I want.”
Children are often just as insightful as their parents and quickly get to the heart of things. There’s value in asking your children how they imagine the perfect family meal. Not because it always has to be that way, but because their wishes can shine a light on what might be missing—or what could be more fulfilling for them.
What does a good meal mean for your family?
Every family is unique. For some, it’s important that children say thank you for the meal. For others, it matters more that children sit calmly and eat nicely. There are no universal rules—what matters is what’s important to you. Take some time to think about what you value most at your table, and what feels less essential.
During these 14 days, it might be a good idea to talk things through with your partner: What atmosphere do you want at mealtimes? How can you set the scene for this? Should children clear their plates? Is it important to taste before saying no to food? Should they thank for the meal? Help clear the table? Set the table?
In short: revisit your approach to mealtimes and identify the values you wish to build on—so you’re not just repeating what you grew up with, but forging traditions that reflect who your family is.
Enjoy your meal!
- By Mie Kaae, March 3, 2018
Blackbird Institute is a family therapy institute offering training in relational competence, family counseling, and family therapy. The institute was founded by Fie Hørby and Mie Kaae.
Fie Hørby is a psycho- and family therapist, as well as mother to Rumle (16), Liv (11), and Isak (0). She is the author of the bestseller “Drop Opdragelsen!” and the book “Om teenagere – for forældre”.
Mie Kaae holds a master’s in psychology and communication, is the author of "Hvad vil du virkelig?", and trained in dance and body therapy. Mie is also mother to Marvin (12), Linus (10), and Havanna (2).
Read more about Blackbird Institute here
