At Lirum Larum Leg, we sincerely strive to assist parents in creating inspiring environments where play becomes a source of coziness, fun, presence, and immersion—with ease and clarity.
We are delighted to collaborate with experts Fie Hørby and Mie Kaae from the Blackbird Institute to provide you with tips and inspiration for life with children. Here are some valuable insights on how to bravely take on the challenge of children's birthday parties while remembering that it’s all about celebration, joy, and togetherness.
Birthday Celebrations and Community
A child's birthday is one of the year's most joyful events—for the child. For the child's parents, it often feels different, especially when considering a party for the institution or class. So start by taking a deep breath and lowering your shoulders. Allow the desire and joy to have space instead of feeding the fear. Otherwise, we may become overwhelmed with thoughts about how it might go.
When we become too ambitious on behalf of our children—with the best intentions to create the ideal, if not perfect, birthday party—we distance ourselves from reality. In the real world, children argue, get bored, and become upset, tired, full, or hurt... and they can handle it just fine, as long as we can.
Happy Adults Create Happy Children
Whether we can handle it or not is individual, but one of the best things we can do is handle it together, rather than managing everything alone. So even if it might be challenging, take the plunge and ask some of the other parents from the class or institution if they'd like to join. When more hands are involved, it makes organizing the event much easier and more enjoyable for the adults as well.
An added benefit of asking for help is that when the adults lead by creating community and supporting each other, the children will follow suit.
Whether you have additional adults or not, begin by clarifying for yourself what is most important to you concerning your child's birthday. What do you think is most important to your child? And how do you want the day to feel? If your child is three years or older, consider discussing with them. What does your child want for their birthday? What is really important and what is less so?
What memories do you want your child to cherish and remember?
One Birthday, One Primary Activity
At times, we might overload the birthday program beyond capacity. It's beneficial to create some breathing space.
Plan one or at most two activities that foster community. Simple activities are usually the most successful. These could include a game of rounders, standing in a circle to sing a birthday song or participate in singing games together, drawing a communal drawing, picking berries in the garden to use later for the cake, hiding gifts around the house for the children to find and gather in one big pile on the floor. It could also be that each child shares a short story about one another, introducing who they are and what they like about each other.
When the day finally arrives, and the house is filled with little guests, it's a good idea to inform the children of the activities planned, such as: playing, singing a birthday song, going on a treasure hunt, and eating. Let them know where they are allowed to be and if there are areas they should avoid. Clarity provides security, and clear boundaries are especially important when we are in a group.
Be flexible with your program. If the energy is high and there’s an abundance of it, let the children dance, hop, sing, and relax. Give them time and space to find themselves and each other. Or start with the treasure hunt. When children are allowed to do what they want and are met in that manner, they have a better chance to settle into themselves.
Community arises when we see and meet each other while being together, with eyes, bodies, voices, words, and our attention. But it’s also about making room for those who don’t want to or don’t find it fun to join in on the treasure hunt. Our children should be allowed to feel how they feel and be affirmed that their feelings are never wrong.
The more we can create space for all these little bodies with big feelings, the easier it becomes to host the most delightful birthday—in community.
By Mie Kaae, April 20, 2018
Gain more insight about yourself and your child in Blackbird Institute's newsletter, where Fie Hørby & Mie Kaae advise parents and professionals weekly on how we can take greater leadership within the family, leading to closer relationships and better connections with ourselves and our children.
The Blackbird Institute is a family therapeutic institute offering education in relational competence, family counseling, and family therapy. It was founded by Fie Hørby and Mie Kaae.
Fie Hørby is a psycho- and family therapist and mother to Rumle, 16 years old, Liv, 11 years old, and Isak, 0 years old. She has authored bestsellers like “Drop Opdragelsen!” and the book “Om teenagere – for forældre”.
Mie Kaae holds a degree in psychology and communication, is the author of "Hvad vil du virkelig?" and trained in dance and body therapy. Mie is also a mother to three—Marvin, 12 years, Linus, 10 years, and Havanna, 2 years.
Learn more about the Blackbird Institute here
